The more I fly, the less I get done on planes. I used to read up on current events, finish up all the mid-19th century novels floating around the living room. I’d write a card to my grandparents, then fill out all 20 postcards that I dutifully send from every adventure. Of course, I always send them from home, it’s cheaper and more reliable. I used to think about my to-do list, make a grocery list, write a cover letter, stare at my resume.

But lately, I stick in my industrial orange ear plugs, pop some Benadryl and Dramamine, down a mini-bottle of Sutter Home Cabernet or two, and enjoy the blackout. No screaming kids, no yelling, no complaining, no thinking. It’s no place, no time, no reason or rhyme. Not even a french mime. Just clouds and green circles of crops, and little rivers no one can even reach by jeep. I feel all that, I don’t see it. In my mind is a confusing stew of celebrities coming over for a sandwich, a talking bunny, soothsayer honey bees, trying out for the high school volley ball team–whatever strange labyrinths the medications and the alcohol wish to wander.

Oddly, a 3-hour flight can seem longer than a 13-hour one to me. I can’t explain that one.

When I land, I always try to track down my husband, but he’s always re-booking irate people or pulling away the ones too drunk to board. Amateurs. You don’t swallow any drugs or alcohol until you’re ready to board. It times just right that it doesn’t hit until you’re pulling up into the air. Don’t pull tantrums at the gate. Have dreamy sleep in the sky.

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Comments
2 Responses to “”
  1. Alida says:

    All the details are wonderful. As always, the voice is spot on and very funny!

  2. The lists here are wonderful: I like the list of what was once done, and the list of how the narrator does it now. The first sentence sets up the whole story. Very precise: the reader is ready to sink in and listen.

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